


You Were With Him

by Musikenza



Series: You Don't Have To Be Who They Want You To Be [4]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 00:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15231609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musikenza/pseuds/Musikenza
Summary: Only about a day after 3x17.





	You Were With Him

Kara’s hands were pressed hard against the table in the DEO’s control center. She was trying to ignore Alex’s wary eyes staring at her. She felt like Alex’s gaze had been fixed upon her for the past couple of days, her expression a small range between disbelief and confusion. Instead, she focused on Winn who was shifting through computer screens so fast that even with super-speed, she could barely keep up. J’onn had his hands folded across his chest, intent on the information Winn was delivering. 

Kara pushed back from the table to speak. They all turned to look at her. “So, if Reign consumed the other two Worldkillers then there are a couple of questions to find answers to. Did she consume their strength and is now two times stronger than she was or did she consume their powers and Purity and Pestilence still exist within her?”

“There’s no way to know for sure until she attacks again,” J’onn responded. It wasn’t the answer she wanted but it was the one she expected. They had never been clear about anything concerning Reign and the recent battle had only brought upon more ambiguity. She couldn’t stop wondering if maybe Imra had been right and whether she missed her chance to defeat the Worldkillers when she refused to kill Pestilence. She thought she could save Grace just to find out she didn’t want saving. She had killed before and maybe it was the fact that there was no saving them and there was a chance with the three women that the Worldkillers inhabited. Or maybe it was hypocritical and she had to accept that her morality had never been clear since the Daxamite invasion. She had to accept that the morality she learned on Krypton did not fit with her life on Earth. Absolute wrongs and rights that used to drive her, no longer existed in the grey area that her world had become. 

It was yet another aspect of her mother that she had to remove herself from.

“We need to have plans for either situation,” Alex said, pulling Kara out of her thoughts. “I’m going to prepare a team that we can debrief when we figure out the best way to confront Reign.”

Alex nodded her leave and Kara turned to J’onn. “We’re going to wait for her to attack? There has to be something we can do to track her down.”

“We haven’t had any luck tracking her before,” Winn said, staring at an empty radar screen.

“We don’t know what we’re up against now,” J’onn added.

“We never know what we’re up against,” Kara muttered.

J’onn chose to ignore her. “Even if we could find her, going in blind would do us no favors.”

“Supergirl!” Alex’s voice echoed around the high-ceilinged room. Alex was staring up the stairs, not surprised or confused, but resigned. 

Kara honed in and heard the clack of heels against the floor. She shut her eyes tight.

“She shouldn’t be here.” Kara hadn’t meant to speak aloud. 

J’onn gave her a quizzical look and then said, “She wants to talk to you.”

“Please don’t read her mind,” Kara said, shaking her head.

“Um…who…who are you talking about?” Winn asked.

Alex moved aside on the stairs, letting Lena pass and answering Winn’s question for him. She walked down the last flight of stairs toward them, just as commanding as she would have been at L-Corp or CatCo. Kara wanted to laugh. This woman, after being within the DEO exactly one time, looked completely comfortable surrounded by strangers, not all of who looked on her favorably.

Kara made eye contact with Alex whose eyebrows were raised and she was giving Kara a look as if to say, “This one’s all you.”

Lena was wearing a black dress, more casual than her usual work attire but not too casual for Lena Luthor. Her hair was down which was an unexpected change that Kara wished she hadn’t noticed. She found her mouth was dry and she didn’t have anything to say to the woman as she drew near.

Lena politely smiled at J’onn and Winn. “May I have a moment with Supergirl?”

Kara knew it wasn’t a question; she knew if Lena wanted a moment of her time, Kara would give it to her. She also knew that though Lena directed said question at J’onn, there was no hint of asking permission behind the words. She would do as she liked.

Kara gestured off to one of the side rooms off the main control station. Lena turned on her heel and led. J’onn said nothing more and Winn wouldn’t look at her. 

When Kara walked in Lena had a hand on the curtain cord. “Do you mind?”

Kara hesitated but waved affirmation and Lena shut the curtains, blocking the view to the outside. “Can you shut the door?”

Kara stared at her and Lena stared back until she did as she was asked. Lena had an unreadable expression on her face. Kara didn’t know why Lena had come back to the DEO. More importantly, she didn’t know why they had let her through the front doors; she had no type of clearance whatsoever. And furthermore, she didn’t know why Lena wanted to talk to her alone. If it was about the Worldkillers, she could have said her piece in front of J’onn, Winn, and Alex. Otherwise, Kara was at a loss. She thought they had come to the end of everything, made their peace and their amends and accepted the tensions of the situation as the catalyst for what occurred between them. All harsh words and anger wiped away to clean the slate. 

She felt uncomfortable placing her hands on her hips under Lena’s scrutiny and ended up wringing them in front of her when they had felt useless hanging limply at her sides.

“I heard something interesting – well, rather was told something interesting last night.” Lena leaned against the table by the window, her gaze on the wall in front of her. She was not making eye contact or even looking in Kara’s direction. Things might not have been as wrapped up as Kara believed them to be. Forgiveness may have been given only to be shattered at the smallest sound of something not quite right.

“About Reign? Or Sam?” 

“About you.” Lena’s eyes were daggers.

“Oh,” came unintentionally from Kara’s mouth. 

Lena’s eyebrows raised. “Do you know what said thing was?”

Kara could take a couple guesses, all of which she had hoped Lena would never find out. But that frail dream seemed to be slipping from her clutches and she knew whatever coming was going to be worse than what they had just been through. But still, she held her ground, refusing to answer or to submit to guilt for the crime Lena was holding against her. She pursed her lips and shook her head.

Lena smirked in annoyance. She knew Kara was not going to respond but even with that foreknowledge, the lack of words made her skin crawl. Lena crossed her arms. “I suppose I’ll enlighten you then.”

She pushed off the table and paced in front of Kara as she would in front of a board meeting. Kara was not easily intimidated but this woman was daunting and even more so when the energy was directed toward Kara.

“Or should I give you clues until you guess?”

Kara was not a fan of playing games. She let out a deep sigh, “Lena –“

“We’ll do that then.” 

Kara winced and hung her head but said nothing further, refusing to implicate herself until Lena offered up something in return. There was a taut string between them and they were both pulling it, trying to make the other trip.

Lena continued her pacing, her finger shaking at Kara as she thought of where to start. “Okay, hint number one: kryptonite.”

“We’ve been over this. I know you don’t –“

Lena’s glare was enough to stop Kara mid-sentence. “Hint number two: I know who Guardian is.”

Two hints were enough.

They stared at each other in silence. Kara was pleading as well as she could without words, trying to apologize with a look. Lena was not surprised having already known, but having affirmation from Kara was a second blow and her plan of attack dissolved. 

She had thought out exactly how this was going to go, what she was going to say. She hadn’t expected that when she came face to face with Kara, her anger would dissolve into something less outwardly hateful. It was all inside and it was completely personal.

She found that she had to stop her lip from quivering and she berated herself for being so soft, so quick to break down. “So, it’s that easy. You don’t trust me anymore. One thing you don’t like and all of a sudden I’m just a Luthor to you.”

Kara rubbed her temples, already exhausted. The words cut her like she never imagined words could. “No, I would never –“

“Are we still lying? Because you did bring up our families.”

“I was angry and –“

“And what? Whenever you get mad at me you act like I haven’t spent the last year proving myself to you?”

“You have but this –“

“I’ll just keep stopping you if you continue to make excuses. I lost your trust in one fell swoop and I cannot figure out what I could have possibly done that possessed you to think I was lying to you.”

“I had to make sure,” Kara said.

“Had to make sure? You weren’t sure enough when I destroyed the alien detection device? Or when I stopped my mother from releasing the virus? Or when I came up with the solution to the Daxamite invasion? Or when I built a goddamn statue to my inspiration and to the hero that inspires National City? That didn’t prove my loyalty? But when I do everything in my power to help my friends, that’s when you’re not sure whose side I’m on.” Lena’s chest heaved for air and she could feel a headache coming on. She had tried to keep calm to keep her voice low but with each example she gave, she became more riled up that Supergirl could ever think she was the enemy.

Kara was getting more and more frustrated with every word. Lena was giving her no leeway to explain. She wasn’t allowing Kara to apologize for a slip she never thought she would make. Making the comparison between Lena and the Luthors was a heat of the moment mistake that she would never stop regretting. It went against everything she had been telling Lena since they first met. All of a sudden, she was someone she didn’t recognize.

She took a jolting step forward. “I never should have said what I said about you being a Luthor. I don’t believe that at all. And you don’t have to forgive me for that because it’s unforgivable.”

“I don’t have to forgive you for anything. You couldn’t trust me at my word.”

Kara let out a huff and turned away. She was biting her tongue, trying to stay composed but Lena’s words were sending her into a spiral of anger.

“Ever since I met you, all I have done is be open and honest with you, which isn’t something you have done in return. I have helped you at every turn. And what I get in return is not only dishonesty but disrespect as well.”

Kara’s fists were pushing hard into her hips. Lena’s arms were folded across her chest. Neither of them wanted to be the one to make the next move. The string holding the tension was the only thing holding them together but it was threatening to snap at any moment.

Kara tried to compose herself, to dismiss the anger and have control over how she would continue. They didn’t need to be yelling, alerting the entire DEO to their argument. But Lena wasn’t allowing her a word in edge-wise and she wanted to scream.

She took a deep breath and let it out shakily. “I don’t like secrets.”

Lena’s laugh echoed around the room. That ended any attempt for calm that she had been trying to achieve. She spun around, furious. “You didn’t tell me about Sam! How was I supposed to know you weren’t hiding anything else? I didn’t think that was what we did. We don’t keep secrets.”

“We don’t keep secrets.” It sounded like a question but Lena wasn’t looking for an answer.

“No.”

“You can be so obtuse sometimes that I can barely stand it.”

The crinkle above Kara’s nose deepened. “I don’t know what –“

“We don’t keep secrets, Kara? Tell me! Since when?” Kara had not expected to be shouted at and she stumbled back, not only at the volume but at the sudden declaration of knowledge that Kara didn’t know Lena had.

Lena was breathing heavy like she was gearing up for round two. Kara stared, too confused and flustered to think of a response right away. How? How long? Why? All the questions she wanted to ask but instead, the only words that she spoke were, “You knew.”

Lena looked away and bit at her nail. She wanted to sit down but there were no chairs in the room. “Do you take me for an idiot, Kara?”

No response was necessary. 

Kara felt all of her strength drain from her body. “I wanted to protect you.”

“In doing so, you decided that you couldn’t trust me.”

“I do trust you. I’ve wanted you to know for so long,” Kara was pleading for Lena to believe her, “But I couldn’t sacrifice your safety for that. It would have been selfish.”

Lena scoffed. The sound was full of derision and Kara’s begging seemed to have no effect. “You have very funny ways of showing you trust someone.”

“You weren’t being honest.” It was a feeble excuse and Kara was circling back to the beginning of the conversation. She felt like there was nowhere to go but she couldn’t let it end. At least not now when Lena seemed very close to shutting her out forever.

Lena stared at her for a few seconds. Kara thought she was going to be yelled at again. Thought the next thing out of Lena’s mouth would cut her to the core. She was getting ready to hang her head as Lena said goodbye. Kara couldn’t read the expression Lena wore.

“So, instead you went behind my back, using James of all people to do it because you didn’t have the guts to say it to my face.”

“Don’t bring him into this,” Kara said through gritted teeth. The response had been automatic and out of her control.

“He was a part of this, Kara. You made that happen.”

Kara wanted to laugh but she held it back, her head falling back. “I did not bring him into this.”

“Fine,” Lena snapped, “But I haven’t seen you for days. You could have come to me.” 

Kara looked at her incredulously. “No, I can’t.”

“You can always come to me, Kara.”

Kara was wringing her hands. “Not anymore.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Lena snapped. This was not the argument she came here to have and it was not one that they needed to have. 

“You’re with James now.”

“I don’t see how that is pertinent –“

“I don’t have any type of say in anything.” Each word was a struggle to get out without letting tears fall. “He’s the one you go to now. That’s how it works.”

Each statement was fact-like and succinct. Lena felt like she was grasping at something that she could not quite get a hold of. “Kara, I don’t know what you are getting at.”

Kara wiped her face before setting her hands on her hips. It wasn’t the Supergirl stance; it was full of hesitation and vulnerability. Her eyes were watering and she was looking off at the vacant wall. “I’m not that person for you anymore. He is.”

She looked back to Lena. “I don’t get to have you like that anymore.”

“Kara, please, don’t –“

“WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?” Kara bellowed. She wasn’t thinking before she spoke anymore. Words rushed out of her mouth before she even knew what was coming. She threw her arm out to the side, gesturing at a non-existent person and took steps toward Lena. “You’re with James.”

“YOU WERE WITH HIM!” Lena yelled, feeding off of Kara’s energy. Kara’s eyes widened. She hadn’t expected that.

“That is not the same thing,” Kara said, her voice still very loud.

“It’s not?” Lena said, laughing at the absurdity of the statement. “You chose to be with Mon-El. Did you think that I would just always be there whenever you needed me? Ready for you at your beck and call? Talk about double standards. That’s really fucking hypocritical, Kara.”

The door opened. “Hey, guys. This seems personal and everyone can –“

“LEAVE, WINN.” Kara never took her eyes off of Lena. “You know that’s over.”

“And yet…”

“Don’t act like this is entirely my fault,” Kara said. The yelling had stopped. It wasn’t because of Winn’s warning it was because they were holding the close proximity, neither one of them stepping away. 

“I never said that. But after everything, you pushed me away. You couldn’t have expected anything else from me but to find someone who actually wanted to be with me,” Lena sneered.”

“I don’t want you to be with him!” Kara exclaimed. “There. Okay? No more secrets. I hate it” – she grabbed ahold of Lena’s hands – “I know I have no right to feel any way about it but –“

“I don’t want to be with him!” Lena retorted.

That stopped Kara in her tracks, which seemed to have been happening a lot in this conversation. “You don’t?”

Lena reached up, caressing Kara’s cheek. “Not if I lose you.” 

The door opened again and Kara was about ready to throw something at Winn’s head. Someone’s breath hitched and they paused. Kara could see Alex watching them out of the corner of her eye. She started to close the door, slowly. “I saw nothing.”

Kara shook her head and muttered, “Rao.”

Everyone was going to make up their own conclusions about what they heard or saw and Kara hadn’t wanted anyone to know anything in the first place. She wasn’t ever supposed to have said anything to Lena. She wasn’t supposed to have felt anything more than friendship. She wasn’t supposed to have been standing there with Lena, destroying a relationship between two of her best friends. She wasn’t supposed to be that selfish. 

Lena’s gaze flickered to Kara’s lips and back to her eyes. Kara shook her head. “We can’t.”

Lena dropped her hands in exasperation and turned to leave. “I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Kara went after her, stopping her before the door. “No, that’s not what I mean.”

Kara clutched Lena’s face between her hands. “I want to, Rao, Lena, I really want to. But I’m hurting James enough as it is, I can’t make it worse.”

“It’s over.” A moment passed when despair sunk into Kara’s body and she felt all of the oxygen leave her lungs. But it was a quick moment and the next relieved her of the hopelessness. “I ended it with James.”

It took two seconds for Kara to process those words and then she leaned forward, crashing their lips together. Both of them were crying or so it seemed by the amount of salt Kara could taste. She was holding them so close together that it almost hurt. And then Lena was up on her tiptoes, wrapping her arms around Kara’s neck and pulling her down, kissing her even harder. She wanted to be as close to Kara as she could get. She had come to accuse and berate and rip apart the weak foundation of a new relationship they had started building only the day before. But when she was finally facing Kara, hearing what she had only hoped to hear for two years, none of that mattered anymore. She hated that their friendship had come crashing down. And she had been hopeful at the modicum of forgiveness offered. And had been absolutely crushed by the fact that Kara betrayed her. And hope flared once again in her heart when she heard Kara’s confession. No matter the anger she still felt, she couldn’t leave that. She couldn’t let Kara say what she had just said and ignore it when it's all she had ever wanted to hear.

This was not something Kara had been expecting to happen. Maybe she had thought about it one or two times and wished for it to happen. But, she had also written it off as something that would never and could never happen. Especially with the state of their crumbling relationship; she wasn’t sure Lena wanted to be friends, let alone anything more. It had always been there between them; something a little more than friendship that they were both too afraid to navigate. Kara found a way to grab as many things as she could and shove them between Lena and herself to save herself from even having to think about it. It didn’t always help.

And lately, Kara had been thinking about it a lot. Lena getting with James had made her so angry that there was no ignoring it. She used anger because jealousy sounded so ugly.

Lena was trying to speak between kisses. “Do not” – kiss – “think this changes” – kiss - “anything” – kiss – “I’m still plenty mad.” 

She rushed the last words out and Kara pulled back to listen. “We have serious things to talk about. Things that this doesn’t change for me. And it’s important to me that you know that. This isn’t forgiveness. This doesn’t mean everything is back to how it was.”

Kara swallowed hard and nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Lena needed this to be clear to Kara. This was the inkling of a possible beginning. It erased nothing that had happened between them. They had a lot to work out and maybe that process would be what killed them. But, they couldn’t start something new on the bones of the ruined.

“I’m not doing this wrong this time,” Kara said as seriously as she could. She hoped Lena would at least believe that. Their friendship was a mess though salvageable. This was a promise to repair that before anything else..

“Good.” Lena smiled. She reached out and grabbed the edges of Kara’s cape, pulling her in and kissing her for the second time. And definitely not the last.


End file.
